when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
