you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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