Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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