Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
