what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
