I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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