My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
