If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
