I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
