I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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