i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
All I want is dick and wine.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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