I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
