I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
