do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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