saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
