saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I wear drunk well.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
