I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
