What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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