Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize