who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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