i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
