He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
