I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
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