there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
