Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize