Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
