I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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