Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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