saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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