i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
