o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Are we still banned from the library?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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