he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
