Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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