Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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