Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
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