Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
