Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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