i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
