So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
