I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Randomize
