You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Randomize
