ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I want her autograph on my taint
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
