the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
