my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
