my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
