He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Randomize
