i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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