Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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