1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I can tuck mytits in my pants
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize