I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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