im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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