You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
