He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
