I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
