I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
even my farts smell like vagina
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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