This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
