So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
