I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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