im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
there was a trapeze. enough said
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
