I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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