my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
