Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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