New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
