Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
