Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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