If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize