ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
