Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
