Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
