You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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