so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
