Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
