now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
